Debra's Page |
Musings of a Convert the thoughts of Debra Woods from her point of view as a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I joined the church in July 1975 in Hamilton, Ohio at the age of 16 - a quality of mind I hope never to lose, regardless of the years that go by. |
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Doctrinal
Questions?
Visit: FAIRlds.org
Articles: Judge Not that Ye Be Not Judged Man's Inhumanity to Man Growth through service Gratitude Faith in Jesus Christ General Conference |
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| Growth through service November 18, 2003 |
Service is a most unique aspect of
the LDS lifestyle. Now that I have been a member for 28 years, it
is hard to even remember what it was like before, or to really know
first hand what it is like to be an adult outside the church - it is
only by observing others that I have anything to compare to. But
what I know is how much I have grown by serving in the church. I learned that I could be a leader - I learned that right off the bat. I attended the weekly youth meeting and was much struck by the fact that besides a woman playing the piano, the entire meeting was carried out by youth. They were responsible and poised and took their jobs seriously. Soon after I joined the church, I attended Youth Conference. This was at Hiram College in Ohio, and LDS youth from all over the state were there. Again I observed an incredibly well planned event, three days in length, and it was all youth running the meetings, the adults were present, but the youth took charge. They were bright and gracious, and fun and enthusiastic. And I longed to be like them. I knew if this was the way the church impacted lives, it was the church for me. I mourned the fact that I had not found it earlier - and I felt an overwhelming mountain of learning I had to catch up with my peers on. To my amazement, when we got back home, the next week at church I was called to be the first counselor in the Laurel presidency - for girls 16-18. I had little time to learn the ropes, for within a couple of months, the president got a job that prevented her from attending the weeknight meetings, so I became the top youth leader for the girls. The fine examples set for me those first few months prepared me to step up to bat when it was my turn. At school, I was the Thespian President and the Clarinet Section Leader in the band that year. I used the leadership skills I observed at church to help me in these responsibilities. It helped me deal gracefully with my greatest youthful disappointment. At the end of the school year, I had to muster up all the grace I could to stand up at the annual drama awards ceremony, and present our new director with a tribute and a gift from the troope - I had worked very hard to earn the top drama award that goes to graduating seniors, one boy and one girl - it went to my good friend - no one would have expected me not to get the award, least of all me - I knew the director and I were in conflict, but he knew of my great four year contribution, and I still expected him to do the right thing by me - I was in utter shock when he didn't, but went ahead and made my presentation honoring him for his work that year, thanking him for what he had done, and conveying our gift of appreciation with sincerity and grace - I knew that my training at church was what allowed me to keep my hurt and shock and huge disappointment I was feeling right then to myself. The experience in pulbic speaking and leading at that young age that the church affords it's young people is remarkable. LDS children begin offering public prayers from 18 months in the nursery - and give their first little talks at the age of three - and continue to pray, sing, recite scripture and make presentations in front of groups of peers and adults year after year - and at the age of 12 they begin to serve in leadership positions to their peers. Planning, organizing, managing, conducting all kinds of meetings and activities. They have many opportunities to perform in a variety of ways - and all of this is a great training ground and growth experience. I found it amazing as a 16 year old girl investigating the church, as a brand new member, and it still impresses me all these years later. Young boys from 12 years old serve in administering ordinances of the gospel. Youth have regular opportunities to do community service of all sorts. At a time when they are the most self centered and self conscious, they are regularly put in situations where they are doing things for people that really make a difference - and it changes them. They are taught from almost infancy to stand and bear witness of their beliefs. From the age of 12, they participate in saving ordinances at the temple for those who have died without this essential work done. It is all so amazing. After reaching adulthood, I began to have new service opportunities. I got to teach the children music each week - I never had worked with children before. I had no idea what to do or how to do it. But I had to learn quickly, and I had some kind and patient leaders to head me in the right direction. Before long, I discovered I was really good at it, and that children really responded to me. I was put in charge of some large social and cultural events - and discovered how to organize effective successful events. When I married and started my family, I was a stay at home mom - and my church callings were my creative and leadership outlet. I developed new skills with each new calling. My responsibilities were outlined to me, the resources I needed were provided for me, accountability to leaders was regularly monitored, training was given, examples were set, and responsibility was placed on my shoulders that I understood I must fulfill, many depended on me - that motivated me to do my best. I was always given a special blessing pertaining to my calling - giving me the spiritual keys I needed to fullfill my role. With all of that behind me, how could I fail? The Lord kept his promises to me - and delivered me with the inspiration I needed - often doing things for the first time, willingness was all that was needed from me. And I grew, and grew, and grew. I learned a lot about human relationships. I learned from my mistakes. You can't make a mistake if you aren't doing something - and therefore, you can't learn - failures and successes, either way - they all were a chance to learn and grow. And heal. The agony of divorce was spelled right away when I was called to serve in the nursery - those little ones gave me an abundance of unconditional love - no questions asked, and I know I received every bit as much as I was able to give. When my self confidence was struck a terrible blow, serving helped me stand up again, and step out of my misery. I have just continued to expand and I have taken what I learned and applied it in my other pursuits. This website is an example of that. One of many things. All kinds of new talents have been developed through my callings - and old talents have been expanded. I did things I would never have done otherwise, and I did things that I may have done in other settings much less spiritually nurturing or even spiritually dangerous. When you serve, you come to love those you are serving - and those who lead you or serve with you or under you. As I have accepted the invitations and calls to serve, I have lived up to my potential - and that potential is divine. Service is a chance to lose yourself - it is for no other gain than to help others and do the work of the Lord, and that is sanctifying, purifying, enlightening, inspiring, cleansing, strengthening, empowering, and humbling. There is no more glorious feeling than sensing that you are being lifted and guided by the Holy Ghost. There is nothing so awesome than to act as an instrument in the Lord's hands to bless the life of another, and to transmit His love to others. The Lord qualifies those he calls. One thing I learned was when I gave the best I could, whether it was a little, because I had little time to devote, or a lot because I was craving the chance to express myself - I could be effective. When I had no time to prepare, I was blessed with on the spot inspiration and spiritual sensitivity - when I had time, I was blessed with a vision of what to do with that time to prepare well. Either way - some of the most remarkable spiritual experiences occurred. It makes it a little hard for me now to work for pay. Money just doesn't hold a candle to the spirit of the Lord to his servants. Lord, bless me to manage. He always does. |
| GRATITUDE written June 24, 2003 |
I think one of the most obvious
benefits
I have received from my decision to be baptized 28 years ago is the
impact/influence
of the church on my sense of gratitude. I use the word in general
terms,
because it is a general state of mind. I have only recently
realized
just what a difference this is for me. Growing up, I was not
taught
to be particularly grateful for anything. I took most everything
for
granted. That may be typical for children - but as I look around
me
nowadays, I think it is pretty universal for all ages - to just take
what
we have for granted. As I listen to my siblings, to the news and
other
television programs, and watch the people I encounter - I am truly
amazed
at the lack of gratitude I see. And I have to conclude that had I not
joined
the church, I may very well have continued along those same lines to
this
day. PARENTS One of the first things I remember being sort of a jolt to me as a new member, was the emphasis the church put on the family, especially my parents, and most notably, my father. I had been pursuing religion independent from my parents for several years by then. They basically gave me full freedom to do whatever I wanted in that regard - often forking out money for church functions with no questions asked. They had for years delivered me to my various meetings I so enthusiastically attended - never restraining me, even though they had nothing to do with what I was doing. So when all of a sudden, the missionaries started talking about inviting my parents to my lessons, I was like "What? Why would I do that? This is MY thing, not theirs, they aren't interested." After baptism, without exception, my local church leaders made a point to call my dad to ask his permission for the things I was involved in at church. I was incredulous! When my home teachers wanted to visit me, they called my dad and made an appointment with him! He seemed amused, and I think, eventually, impressed, that they honored him in a way he didn't expect, and hadn't experienced ever before with any of his children's multitudinous involvements in various organizations. I was frankly annoyed at all this. But it didn't stop there. A year later, I was counseled to honor my parents, to recognize the good things they had taught me and provided me. To write them often to thank them for all they had done for me when I went away to college - and on and on - so much talk of parents I had never heard before. Well, I followed the counsel I was given. I wrote home regularly and at the end of each letter reporting what was up with me at college, I paused to think of something I could thank them for. Each letter, I wanted to say something different. Well, it didn't take long for me to realize, to my amazement, that my parents HAD done so much for me that I had never even thought about before. One teacher gave us a challenge for the holiday break. He challenged us to seek out our parents each night before going to bed, and saying "I love you" and "goodnight." I was abhorred at the thought! This was not normal behavior in our house. I squirmed and tried to talk myself out of accepting the challenge - but I did accept it and dreaded that first night home. Much to my surprise, my parents responded warmly to my nightly exercise - especially my dad. He usually spent every evening in his home office working on stuff he brought home from work - and he didn't like to be disturbed, and almost never was. But he seemed to like it when I took the time to come find him and give him a hug, like I had done all those distant years before as a little girl when my sister and I would cuddle next to him to listen to our nightly bedtime story. I hadn't come to his room at bedtime in so long, now, though surprised to see me, he seemed to relish it. For Mother's Day, I remember starting to list some of the things Mom had done for me, and before I realized it, the list was several pages long, and I was in tears! How could it be that I had not seen the tremendous gifts she had given - and all her sacrifice? As a kid I mostly felt jealous cause it seemed to me my sister got more stuff and more attention than me. Mom was a nag and overly concerned about things I didn't think were important. I wondered why she didn't "get a life!" never considering that WE were her life, and no one put a gun to her head to force her to take such good care of us. Five years after I joined the church, my dad died of cancer. Mom gave me the file he had kept of all my school concert programs, my school pictures, crayon drawings he had saved, birthday cards I had made him over the years, and all those letters I'd written from college. One of the last things he said before slipping into a coma three days before he died, with the last of his strength, was "Debbi told me she loved me." 22 years later, my mom died in my arms after her battle with leukemia. She lived with me the last ten years of her life after losing her home in a hurricane. It was my sweet privelege to care for her - who cared so well for me when I needed her. I am so grateful to my parents for so many things - I continue to recognize more ways they blessed my life, even now that they are gone. They were not perfect - but neither am I - and I learned a long time ago to forgive them for any supposed shortfall as my parents, with the hope that my children will be able to forgive me of my large portion of inadequacies. EARTH AND COUNTRY I know that to a large degree, one of the things my parents taught me was to respect the earth and find joy and wonder in her creations. But it is my enhanced understanding of the role the earth plays in the plan of salvation, and realizing that God created this amazing earth with its incredible balance of all things to make life possible here, for our benefit, because of his unspeakable love for us. I weep at the way we abuse her! I marvel at the beauty that can be found in every part of her. I am fascinated at how she sustains the life that covers her. Regularly, I am reminded of the grand design and purpose by the exercise of my daily prayers of thanks. My fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Rueggeberg, played a lively round of "God Bless America!" and "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" every morning on our classroom piano, as we sang enthusiastically along. I am grateful for the patriotism she instilled in me. But little did I recognize the spiritual destiny of this land, the divine intervention and guidance involved in the establishment of this nation. That I learned at church, and I am overcome with love of country now, more than I ever imagined. The emphasis placed on honoring our fore fathers and honoring those that fought for our blessed and essential freedoms is very strong. It has been easy for me to espouse these values - they were latent in me already, and the teachings of the church only enhanced them. In this day and age when so many raise a cacophony of criticsm to deafening proportions - I am so glad I have the perspective I do. ANCESTORS I must have inherited my grandfather's fascination with family history. But with everything else that demands attention, I doubt that I would have invested much time to it over the years. But as a latter-day saint, I have had so much ready resource handy, and so much encouragement to research my own ancestors - that I have managed to devote a good deal of time to it over the years. As a result, these people have become very real to me, and when I look at the vast pedigree chart that takes up more than one wall floor to ceiling can accommodate - I realize that had even ONE of those generations of grandparents - NOT married, NOT survived illness, NOT had children - then I wouldn't be me. I might not exist. So I have gained a serious appreciation for all of them, and interest in their lives, and I sense the reality of their ongoing immortal spirits, and their hope in me, that I might make the saving ordinances available to them - which I have been working on and accomplishing. I have great joy in the future reunion we will share. And as the next generation begins to emerge - my oldest nephew and his wife are expecting my parents' first great-grandchild - I can't quite express the thrill that brings to me - I don't know if I will be able to contain myself when I finally become a grandmother! TALENTS I learned that my talents are gifts from God. They come with responsibility to use them for good. I am so grateful for them - for the passion they add to my life, for the joy they bring me in their use - for the chance to contribute that they provide me. For the ample even immense opportunity to grow them in service to the Lord and his children. Other things I am grateful for are friends, service, the printing press, computers, the internet, the Sabbath Day, temples, pets, a soft bed, good health, MY KIDS, music, the Holy Ghost, the contribution of artists, educators, scientists and people who share. The list goes on and on - ONCE YOU GET STARTED! |
| FAITH
IN CHRIST written May 3, 2003 |
I like this quote by President
Heber J. Grant, seventh president of The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day SaintsWe do not believe that the mere confession of faith, when a man is dying, is going to save him. I remember as a youngster, working in a bank, seeing some cartoons that illustrated the absurdity of that belief. This was in “Puck” magazine. A very villainous looking man came into a room, stabbed a man, and stole some money that he was counting. In the next picture he was in jail and a priest said: “Believe in Jesus Christ and you will be saved.” The criminal thought: “A mighty easy bargain. I believe.” In the next picture he was tried and convicted: in the next, he was on his way to the gallows, with sentimental ladies throwing flowers in his path, “a soul going to Jesus.” The next showed him hanging at the end of a rope by his neck; and in the next he was soaring up to heaven, escorted by angels. The final picture showed the good and benevolent man whose money had been stolen and who had been stabbed, down in hell being pitched from one fire to another. He said he did not have time to say he believed. He had been stabbed.It never made sense to me that no matter what you did afterward, if you said the words "I accept Christ as my personal Savior" you were "saved." It never made sense to me that if that was all that was required, why bother with church at all? Why have a Bible and commandments? Why go to Sunday School? If it really doesn't matter what you do in life, as long as you confess Christ, why not make short order of it and die as soon as you have spoken the words - this is ludicrous, and I never could find any peace in the speaking of those few words. I HAVE said the words, I said them over and over - with no effect in my life, and no confirmation that they were heard and received by God, no sense that I had accomplished anything in the saying of them, no spiritual manifestation of grace, in fact, a total void of impact - an emptiness and a certainty that there was something more I must do. I KNEW it mattered to God how I lived my life . . . I KNEW He had something for me to do. My life mattered! My choices mattered! My mistakes pained me and I knew they pained God. I just needed some direction - I needed a plan, I needed a path - floating aimlessly through life was NOT all there was - being selfish and proud and indulgent, and ungrateful were NOT OK to the Lord. HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS WAY? There is something more, and I found it when I was almost 17 years old. I know that some Christians are offended that anyone would intimate that Christ's grace is not sufficient to save all who believe. It is not that it isn't sufficient. It is that the recipient must exhibit, not just speak, that they believe in Christ. If you believe, your actions will show it. If you love Him, you will desire to keep His commandments, you will want to please Him, you will want to serve Him - and you will want to turn your back on sin. You will follow suit. You will change not just your mind, but your heart and actions. You will "walk the talk." And if you do not, you did not really mean it, and therefore, your confession means nothing and accomplishes nothing. It isn't that anyone taught me these things. It isn't that I read them in the Bible. It is simply a knowing in my soul - that is what motivated me. The universe witnessed it, all of life calls for it. Some have said that I have a lot of faith. I never thought about it - but their comments made me think. I lived my life in keeping with what I knew was right. Even when it didn't make much sense. Even when I couldn't know the outcome, even when it was a huge risk. So I guess that really is an indication of faith. It is not a final destination, it is a process and I continually am challenged to "keep the faith." I never quite comprehend the Love of God and Christ to offer us salvation when we are so prone to weakness and mess up so bad all the time - yet, I know why it is that if Christ pleads for me, the universe will bow to Him. His life and atonement qualify Him to command the heavens and earth and to say whether or not the demands of justice have been met in my case - in your case, in anyone's case. And I could not receive the gift if I had merely said a sentence and never took thought of Him again in my life. If I had not spent my life trying to follow Him. |
| General
Conference written March 10, 2003 |
In
less than a month we will be graced with another General Conference.
I can't think about these worldwide conferences without recalling
the feeling I had the first time I listened to a broadcast of General
Conference when I first joined the church in
1975, and which I unfailingly feel, each and every conference I have
experienced since then. I listened to sermons and the like all the years prior to my conversion to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Some I heard in various churches, some I watched on television, some I sat through in rustic retreats, and always, I listened for guidance - to find my way to God - ever hopeful that I would glean something to help me know God and His will for ME. I listened with real intent. Oh, sometimes, I confess, I listened with sarcastic humor. Some of the "Come to Jesus" type revival sermons on TV - I listened to for brief entertainment only - for in them I felt nothing more than spectacle to appeal to the simplest of human emotions, not unlike a wrestling match or monster truck rally, and I could only manage to stomach it for a brief few minutes, in total awe that anyone else could take it seriously. I had attended Catholic Mass, and Presbyterian Worship Services - Unitarian Sunday Services, Young Life Summer Camps, Methodist, Lutheran, and Evangelical meetings. I never missed any meeting of the Episcopal Church for nearly two years solid. Ministers and priests in their vestments and robes, in architecturally inspiring settings, and in beautiful outdoor nature settings. Sometimes I really did get what I was after. There were a couple of Young Life weekends or summer camps, where I learned about the gift Christ gave us, and I was very inspired and unquestioningly desired to follow His path. But good practical, applicable teaching, I had rarely experienced. A sense that I was listening to someone that KNEW what they were talking about, I did not experience until I listened to a prophet of God, to apostles of God, during General Conference, once I had become a member of the church. I was clearly a novice and did not necessarily have a rich background in the subject matter, but what I heard was the voice of one who KNEW - a quiet, calm, sincere, honest, voice - without pretension, without affectation, without doubt, without drama. And the difference was like listening to someone describe a person who they had only heard about or read about, and listening to someone who knew that person intimately. The latter-day prophets, seers, and revelators, have not attended seminary or aspired to be preachers to the masses - they have not chosen a ministerial profession. And they do not sound like those who have. Once I became acquainted with a Baptist minister, because I was interested in renting the church for drama classes I planned on teaching. He was a delightful man. We connected almost immediately. During one of our interviews, he got a phone call. In an instant, he was wearing his "preacher" hat, and the tone of his voice took on a melodic quality that was so familiar - - he could have been reciting a shopping list, what he said was beside the point, it was an affectation peculiar to Southern Baptist preachers, which I had heard on television, and now I heard it from the lips of a man I considered a new friend. It was a striking experience. I guess I was surprised because I somehow imagined that lilt was an act by actors pretending to be preachers, but my friend was a real preacher, and I realized they were not just making up that lilt, but mimicking actual preachers, with congregations of real folks. And they all used that lilt. I have grown very familiar with the individual speaking style of each of the LDS General Authorities, to the degree that if I read their addresses from the printed page, I can "hear" their voices, expressions, intonations, pauses - unique to them. I see in my mind's eye, the turn of their heads, their grins, the way they each hold the pulpit, the twinkle in their eyes when they relate a bit of humor. These things are all different and individual, but there is a commonality to all the public addresses - - they are talking about what they know. They talk by inspiration and heaven's direction. They speak with authority. Not because they are gifted public speakers, or studied communicators - though, by this point in their lives they have addressed many large audiences on countless occassions, and they do not struggle with the usual trepidations that cause most people to falter and shake in such a setting. Back to the feeling I got all those years ago and which I experience a renewal of every six months - it is the feeling of "AT LAST!!!!" I was NOT searching in vain, there is a voice - the voice of God himself, given to HIS servants - it is not child's playacting - like a little girl pretending to be the mommy to her baby dolls - but real - - that is the sensation I am filled with every general conference. We have not been left to our own devices, to come up with our own best guess at what He wants - - it feels like a solid, grounded, surface for me to stand on with confidence, covered with a rich natural fiber, skillfully woven blanket to comfort and protect me from "worldly weather." And each and every message can be confirmed to my heart and spirit, if I seek it, sometimes immediately, sometimes after care and thought on my part - so I am not left to follow dumbly and numbly - the Holy Ghost makes each message personal to me. I am not manipulated according to someone else's design, I am taught, what I need to be taught - and depending on my own state of mind and spirit. Sometimes I have had to come back later, and read or listen to the conference addresses to get a fuller meaning. And sometimes in my humanity, I am put off by a certain accent or vocal quality. I have a harder time listening to women, who have a tendancy to sound stilted and nervous. I am more critical because I am a woman and want them to sound more natural, and fewer of them do. So I dwell on the sound rather than the content of what they are saying. Like a musician is more critical of other musicians who play the same instrument they do. Maybe with women, they are better at conversation and classroom discussions, and conference talks are not conversations . . . Regardless, these are my impressions of General Conference. And they trigger a gratitude and anticipation I never tire or lose sight of. |