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I don't know if this necessarily
has anything to do with being a convert, but boy, have I had to learn
this lesson over and over again. Pretty much, if I have been
judgemental, I end up eating crow. I remember as a kid, my aunt
was obese. It so impacted her life. I was a skinny little
kid - and all my growing up years, I never had to think twice about my
weight - so it was easy enough for me to judge people who did. I
don't know what it was, but, I guess I figured people who were chubby
were funny and that their feelings were as padded as their bodies -
they were not to be taken completely seriously - not that I was mean or
anything, on the contrary - but in my head, I just didn't take them
seriously. Maybe it came from TV where some round person played
the clown - actually not just one, that is a type casting thing that we
still to this day see portrayed in the media. I remember
distinctly as a young adult, seeing a man at a park or rest area -
sitting at a picnic table, and it looked as though he had a very large
pillow stuffed under his shirt and pants. I remember thinking -
"how could anyone let that happen to themselves?" Enter motherhood. Now the tables are turned. I am not sure I can explain or understand how I let myself become so heavy, and when I look in the mirror, I have the same prejudice against myself as I did as a kid - but inside, I know, my feelings are just as real as they ever were. The padding does not sheild me from hurting or having an opinion or dreaming or needing just as I did before I was heavy - there is a despairing I didn't have before, and I have lowered my expectations. Isn't that sad? As a kid I couldn't understand why people got divorced. I didn't know very many people both before and after a divorce. A couple friends had parents who were divorced, but I met them after the divorce. Then my brother and my oldest sister got divorced. I didn't understand why and I thought they gave up too easy. Later I encountered a number of women who became divorced and I felt like they were preoccupied with finding a new husband. I wondered what was wrong with them. Ummmm - need I elaborate on how unpleasant crow tastes? The list goes on - and on - and on. Walking in another man's shoes in our minds is not so easy - and if we cannot, then we are bound to walk in them in reality, against our own plan and desire. It is amazing how our view changes when it is our turn to suffer the loss of a parent, a wayward child, illness, addiction, loss of faith, depression, a failed business, debt, wrinkles, change, did I mention change, and oh yes, change. But that is what life is about - if we live long enough, we by degrees lose our arrogance. I was very judgemental of my parents till I became one myself. Immediately, I recognized that it was not the easy job I thought, and I made plenty of mistakes right off the bat - I found myself being much less critical of Mom and Dad as time went by. As always, hind sight is so much clearer than foresight. And what you learn is that all those lessons from Sunday school that had all the pat answers - you kind of tuned them out - you heard them so often - well, they were right after all. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure may well be true, but, unfortunately, the effort and sacrifice involved with prevention never seems that important until we are aching from the blow of wayward choices. And it is important to have the experience of dealing with the consequences of our choices - not to be protected from them - that is how we learn. And in the end, after all, that is why we are here. In whatever way we are arrogant in our youth - and feel we are entitled to happiness, and are judgemental of folks with all myriad of troubles, it is the purpose of our existance to find out for ourselves how desperately we require forgiveness and atonement. Life humbles us. If we can't be humble by nature, we will become so by the nurture of mortality. I felt so justified recently in judging a dear friend who took a major life turn. Within months, I found myself smack dab in the middle of a personal crisis that bore a remarkable resemblance to hers. OUCH! I had prayed for understanding - and BOY did I get it. Be careful what you pray for. Take care of all who are in a position less advantageous than you are in - "there, but by the grace of God, go I" When you see someone suffering, even due to their own bad choices, count your blessings, remember that you do not know what they have been through, and believe me, in most cases, you don't WANT to know - you may not be able to handle knowing even as well as they. Take it for granted that there are very real reasons, and God knows what you don't. I so want God to understand what was behind the mistakes I have made - therefore, I need to accept that there are reasons beyond my knowledge for what appears to be a mistake on the part of a neighbor. On the flip side, there is something wonderful about taking people as they are - and loving them inspite of what might be considered a flaw or irritation - or maybe, because of it. In the past few years, I have had the opportunity of associating closely with people who seemed much different from me outwardly. I was very confronted by it at first - and perhaps they were as well. I am grateful that circumstances allowed us to get past that to discover the inter-relatedness we shared. Love that comes where it is least expected is the sweetest love of all. All of this has tended to allow me to stop being so critical of the one I am the most critical and judgemental of - myself. Deep down I question my personal value and worth, and have spent too much of my life trying to prove something to someone else, when it was only myself that really ever doubted. I judge others because of my own insecurities. Isn't that a kicker? When we are at peace with ourselves, there is no need to judge others. WOW, what a concept! |